Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Batman & Schevelle Ride on to The Pony Club

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Blue is for Nightmares - Laurie Faria Stolarz

Stacey Brown has been having nightmares. About her best friend and room mate Drea. She’s had them once before, about a little girl she used to babysit. In her dreams the girl, Maura, was taken and cruelly killed. Stacey thought it was nothing and ignored the nightmares. But then Maura disappeared, and was later found dead.

Stacey can’t help thinking that she could’ve done something to save Maura. And now her dreams are exactly the same, but with Drea. She can’t lose Drea too, and feel even more guilty. She has to do something, anything, to make sure Drea is safe. And these nightmares are making her wet the bed. Very embarrassing.

One night, when neither Stacey or Drea could sleep, they, as well as Amber, a friend from a dorm upstairs, Stacey performs a card reading for Drea, and up comes the Ace of Spades, which is the death card, but she hides this from Drea. She couldn’t bear it if Drea thought she was crazy, or even if Drea thought she was telling the truth and was so scared she left.

Can Stacey save Drea from what could be a tragic, early death, or is there nothing she can do? And who is it that seems to be stalking both Drea and Stacey? Find out in the wonderful series by Laurie Faria Stolarz, which is sure to keep you reading,even if it is just to make sure that Drea is OK.

[Via http://cheezyfeetbooks.wordpress.com]

Monday, March 8, 2010

Lunch Break...

Bryan came over on his lunch break, bringing me brunch. I hadn’t showered in days and I wore an oversized t-shirt, a pair of silk boxers, and a white, terry-cloth robe.

We opened our meals and ate while he told me about the issues he’d been having with his girlfriend. I knew he wanted to fuck me but that was out of the question. I had other plans for him.

We finished eating and he looked at me, pleadingly.

“You’re not going to fuck me” I said. “You’re not even going to touch me.”

“Can I touch myself?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Will you touch me?” he asked.

“No.”

“Will you touch yourself?” he asked.

“Yes.”

I smiled at him, devilishly.

He slid a hand into his pants and rubbed himself. I sat back in my chair, watching him from a few feet away. He stood up and slid off his pants, showing me the cock I remembered so well, the one I’d written about only a few hours before. He sat back down and stroked himself, growing hard rapidly. I rubbed myself through my shorts, feeling that I was already wet.

Watching a man masturbate is my number one turn-on.

I slid my shorts to the side and watched the approval spread across his face as he saw I wasn’t wearing underwear. I rubbed my clit, propping my feet up, my knees apart. We watched each other, closing our eyes from time to time, enjoying the feeling. He seemed to get close and I told him not yet, that he had to wait for me.

He sat up and leaned towards me. I took the middle finger of my left hand and put it inside of myself, finding my g-spot and pushing.

“I’m going to cum” he said and he whispered my name quietly again and again.

I watched him cum and as he shot his sticky mess into his hand, I came as well. My leg shook as I tried to catch my breath. I smiled at him.

I got up and went to the bathroom, putting warm water on a washcloth for him. I brought it to him to clean up with. He’d already dressed but pulled himself out again to wipe off the stickiness.

“Feel better?” I asked.

“Why, yes” he giggled like a young boy.

I told him to enjoy his day at work, thanked him for brunch and sent him on his way.

I returned to my bedroom and pulled out my glass wand. I had to cum again but this time it was to be Ryan that I thought about.

I opened up his blog on my computer and found the entry of our instant message conversation. I read his words as I slid the wand inside of me. I drifted off, closing my eyes, imagining him on top of me, telling me quietly that I wasn’t to cum until he said I could. My hips bucked as I imagined thrusting them against him, drving him deeper inside of me. I got close and read the words “you can come now” on his blog. I closed my eyes and whispered his name. My legs shot out in front of me, my thighs closing in on the glass, holding it in place as I came.

I sat there for a long while, thinking about how I would write about it all.

[Via http://genesislives.wordpress.com]

Friday, March 5, 2010

Learner's Stories

As International Adult Learners’ Week winds down and the Literacy Challenge comes to an end, it’s important to remember that its adult learners, themselves, who ultimately have the most to teach us about the importance of literacy in our lives.

To this end, the OLC has posted several videos of inspirational learner’s stories on its YouTube account. These stories tell of challenges they overcame to join a literacy program and the skills and confidence they’ve gained since joining.

Below is Dennis Luther’s story. Dennis was awarded the 2007 PGI Learner’s Achievement Award.

[Via http://ontarioliteracycoalition.com]

Friday, February 26, 2010

Large Selection of Blow up Dolls

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I hate not having a job.

Wait, clarification. I hate not having a source of income (which ties into my lack of a job).

I apply and apply and apply (and then get rejected, rejected, rejected for having too much experience or too little experience). It’s the catch 22 as no one wants to pay more for someone overqualified or they don’t want to take the time to train/risk the energy with someone underqualified (or maybe they just didn’t like me as an applicant) :?

I shouldn’t complain, I haven’t been at this whole job hunt thing for very long and I know there are people who have gone long stretches of times sans stable income and work, but still.

Right now, I wish I could just stay in bed, watch a couple reruns of Supernatural, watch a bit of the Olympics, and then check my email to find I’ve been offered an amazing job with fabulous benefits (*sigh* and while I’m dreaming, I could also go for a huge tub of ice cream where I tone muscle and drop fat).

/end whine. Off to keep searching for a proper job…

[Via http://qisforquestion.wordpress.com]

Friday, February 12, 2010

Sex & Job Loss

Warning: Please be aware that this article is about an adult topic. If you continue, you will read material intended for mature readers only.

EDITOR’S NOTE: If you have lost your job, and are in a family or relationship and are coping, then you probably already know about the Birds & the Bees and we hope this information is helpful and informative.

The loss of a job can have a very powerful impact on our emotions. We might experience feelings of depression due to the challenges ahead, anxiety due to the uncertainty about a new job, and ultimately, our sense of “self” might be shaken…

Click Here for the rest of ILostMyJob.com’s Sex & Job Loss Article

[Via http://blog.ilostmyjob.com]

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Childhood Redux

I feel like I’m nine years old right now.

Which is strange considering I just drove myself home after dark while: not using my hands to steer, texting, changing the songs on my ipod. Also because I am now legally an “adult.”

But honestly. I don’t think I’ve grown up very much.

Maybe this whole being an adult thing has made me want to stay a kid.

I want to retain my childhood for as long as possible, so I keep doing things that I did when I was little.

I’m playing Pokemon.

I’m watching Disney movies.

I’m eating Chef Boyardee  for dinner.

I’m reliving my childhood ten years after it happened.

Maybe it’s the fear and the uncertainty of the future.

That could be driving me to want to go back to when things were simple and easy.

Or maybe it’s just that I need some time to be a kid again without all of the pressure of adulthood.

I’m not quite sure.

But am I ever?

Hopefully I’ll figure myself out sooner or later.

Maybe then I can get a grip on things.

But for now,

I’m going to be a kid.

I’m going to act the way I want and do the things I want because as an adult, I can make my own decisions.

I’m just deciding to be a kid for a little while longer.

[Via http://minnayoung.wordpress.com]

Monday, February 8, 2010

Evolving:Me

Haunting childhood illusions.For me not a single day goes by without thinking about them.As much as I enjoy my independence and the responsibilities that comes along with the adulthood,I miss the child in me.The more and more I am exposed to this unfair life,I strongly yearn for my lost innocence.

The most daunting realization is about the “mortality” factor that’s hidden in everything ranging from relationships to our human bodies ,its hard and yet I strive to accept and make peace with it.But then its heart wrenching to erase the “fairy land” I had drawn within, where no one had a reason to cry.

For a kid, love is all about – a warm smile,a gentle hug (also may be along with a “Cadbury’s Dairy Milk” bar).Believed that there is no barrier in giving/receiving love. Then the “knowledge” about how complicated the human minds can get with respect to religion,caste,social status and geographical boundaries – made me aware that “love” is not as simple as it sounds.I have also turned to be a careful person and gauge people in all possible scales as taught.But,there are times when I simply wanted to trust people in spite of all my creeping doubts,I think about about my gone ignorance.

when I was eight,the day, when I came to know about my playmate’s mother’s death at our native town ,was shattered,cared and cried for the uncertainty that lingered in my friend’s future.Over years as my horizon increased,I developed indifference and also lost track of my friend.when the news channels show children/women weeping or when I read about bombings and killings,I shamelessly change the channel or skip the news.When did I drop my concern over others turbulent lives?May be when I was told that, I am too “dramatic” and have to “move on”.

Those days when I accompanied my grandma to the nearest temple at least 2 times a day ,she fed me with all beliefs of vaishnavism.I did believe that “God”-a superman is up there who is watching us all down here and I did believe that he would come down to kill the demons.

Also assumed that honest,sincere,hardworking and loving people will never be tested.The superman is yet to show up.Now,I re-hear those superman stories when mom tells my niece,but I am not stopping my mom!.I am convinced with the “rational” me ,but I do miss the “spiritual blindness” in me which fantasized the superman and never had any questions about his powers.

With all the resilience I have developed I do search for the last bit of naivety left in me to dance in my dreams as a child.Nowhere to be found,because I am a “grown-up” as the world expects…

[Via http://justaroundme.wordpress.com]

Friday, February 5, 2010

Buying Adult Toys Discreetly Is Easier Than Ever

If you’ve never tried out adult toys or special lingerie before, chances are that you’re a bit reticent due to feeling awkward or embarrassed. This is perfectly natural; most women feel the same way. This phenomenon is largely behind the meteoric rise in popularity of adult party plans. Such get togethers are wonderful ways to dip your toe into the world of adult toys – without having to take the entire plunge.

Want To Give It A Try? Attend A Lingerie Party

Chances are, you know at least a few people who have attended a lingerie or adult toy party at one time or another. In fact, you may even already know somebody who attends them regularly. As popular as they have become, it’s certainly not difficult finding one to attend. Why have they become so popular, though? Mostly because they allow a group of women to hang out and socialise, while having the opportunity to check out different types of lingerie and sex toys. The party atmosphere of these events make them perfect for those who have never really experienced such things before.

Check Out The Merchandise In Person

If you’ve never tried out a sex toy or tried on sexy lingerie before, ordering such things online can be problematic. After all, you really don’t have much of an idea about what to expect "in real life." At an adult toy party, though, you can see these items firsthand in order to gain a better feeling and understanding for what they are all about. Sitting amid a group of like-minded – and giggling – women can remove the awkwardness of the situation, allowing you to let loose and really familiarise yourself with such products.

Too Shy To Order Them In Person? No Problem!

As much fun as it may be to pass around various products during an adult toy or lingerie party, when it comes time to place an order some women draw the line and won’t do it. The embarrassment and reticence kick back in, and women end up leaving such parties empty-handed. If this sounds familiar, never fear: You can have your cake and eat it, too, by ordering the things that you liked the best online.

One of the most popular ways that many women obtain their sex toys and their lingerie is by attending parties, then ordering what they want upon returning home. This way, you don’t have to place an order with the hostess in front of all of your friends. Instead, you can get home, log on to a reputable website,

and pick out precisely what you want without a single other person having to know about it. In a few days, your merchandise will arrive on your doorstep; discreet packaging will prevent others from having a clue about what’s inside the carton.

Expand Your Horizons Today!

It’s easy to see why lingerie and sex toys have become so popular these days. Such products can breathe new excitement and life into a floundering relationship, or can simple add a bit of spice to a strong one. The embarrassment of using such products can be mitigated by attending a fun party and by ordering what you need from the comfort of your own home. If you’re curious, there’s absolutely no reason not to try them out today.

[Via http://adultpartyplans.wordpress.com]

Friday, January 29, 2010

Oral sex

Oral sex features in many of our fantasies, but for lots of people it’s still taboo.

Common fears Some people are reluctant to try oral sex, or even to suggest it, because they fear rejection. Disgust also plays a part, as lots of men and women are brought up to consider their genitals to be unsavoury.

Women might be convinced their partners will find their labia too big, too wrinkled or too hairy; men, that they’ll be laughed at for not being sufficiently big, upright or straight.

Both may be scared the other will object to the smell or the taste, and that they’ll feel vulnerable if they surrender themselves to being given pleasure by their partner.

But the truth is that many people would really like to offer to perform oral sex for their partner.

What makes oral sex so appealing? The fact that this form of pleasure is still seen by some as forbidden, and even a bit dirty, adds excitement. When your partner chooses to be in such intimate contact, it’s like being told that, far from being unattractive, you’re good enough and special enough to eat. It can feel like the ultimate expression of acceptance.

There’s something irresistible about being treated in this way. Even though you can do it to each other at the same time, it’s usually a case of one person lying back and having all their desires and needs attended to.

The mouth, lips and tongue have a dynamite combination of flexibility and softness that can’t help but please. You can kiss, lick, suck or nibble. Some people prefer gentle movements; others prefer firmer attention. It’s up to you to discover your particular preferences together.

Talk about it Discussing your concerns with your partner can really help. For example, if one person is happy to perform oral sex but refuses to receive it, the other might end up feeling guilty, because he’s unable to return the pleasure he experiences to his partner, as well as rejected and untrusted.

Of course, it could be that the first partner is afraid to let him see, taste, smell and touch her, and perhaps simply needs to hear in no uncertain terms, “I love your body. I’d give anything to taste you.”

Don’t cover up If you’d like to try oral sex with your partner, it’s only courteous to make sure you’re clean first. But don’t forget that the natural taste and smell of your body may well be what attracts them the most, so don’t cover up with perfumes or deodorant.

Many people are turned on by the sight, taste and smell of their partner’s most intimate parts. If it’s a new partner, it’s advisable to use a condom or dental dam (thin latex that lines the mouth) to screen secretions and prevent infection.

If you feel embarrassed Try it after a bath or shower. When you’re clean and fresh, you’ll feel more comfortable. Worried about the way you look? Dimming the lights and lighting candles can boost your confidence.

Names for oral sex .Oral sex is often known as a soixante neuf or sixty-nine, because of the shape two bodies make when lying mouth-to-genitals.

.When one person performs oral sex on another, this is sometimes called a ’sixty-eight’ (“You do me and I’ll owe you one”).

.Stimulation of the vagina with the mouth is called cunnilingus; stimulation of the penis with the mouth is called fellatio.

What not to do Although oral sex is known as a ‘blow job’, the one thing you should never do is blow into your partner’s body. You could cause an embolism (obstruction of an artery by an air bubble) or infection. But many people like their partner to blow gently on skin made damp by licking.

For more free stories like this click HERE

[Via http://dirtytubehq.wordpress.com]

Monday, January 18, 2010

Cannibal Holocaust 1980

Cannibal Holocaust 1980

معلومات عن الفيلم

يعتبر فيلم Cannibal Holocaust أحد أبشع الأفلام في تاريخ السينما،

إن لم يكن أبشعهم على الإطلاق!

يدور الفيلم حول القبائل البدائية آكلة لحوم البشر في الأمازون،

والمصير المظلم الذي واجه إحدى البعثات التي ذهبت لتصوير فيلم وثائقي هناك.

ويستخدم الفيلم سكان الأمازون الأصليين في دور القبائل البدائية،

ويصور الفيلم بالتفصيل الممل الكثير من عمليات العنف

التي يمارسها كل من أعضاء البعثة ضد القبائل

ثم العنف المضاد الذي تنتقم به القبائل.

ويضمن عددا من مشاهد الاغتصاب حتى الموت

ومشاهد لإعدام بالخازوق، وأكل لحوم بشر، وإخراج جنين من بطن أمه،

وعمليات قتل للبشر ولحيوانات

يتضمن الفيلم كل ما هو عنيف ومقزز في جو شديد الواقعية لا يمكن تصديق أنه تمثيل،

لدرجة أنه تم القبض على المخرج بعد صدور الفيلم بتهمة قتل الممثلين أمام الكاميرا الحبكة

كانت مشكلة الفيلم الأساسية أنه واقعي أكثر من اللازم.

لا يمكنك ألا تصدق أن كل هذه الوحشية التي ترى تفاصيلها على الشاشة لم تكن حقيقية.

تم إيقاف عرض الفيلم والقبض على مخرج الفيلم روجيرو ديوداتو

وواحد من المنتجين في ميلانو.

شاهد القضاة في ميلانو الفيلم وتولدت لديهم قناعة بأن ديوداتو قام بقتل بعض الممثلين

أثناء تصوير بعض اللقطات.

كما أكدوا أن مشهد الخازوق (الذي نرى لقطة له على أفيش الفيلم) كان حقيقيا تماما

الفيلم يعتبر من اكثر الافلام التى منعت من العرض فى 60 دوله بسبب مشاهد القتل الحقيقه

http://rapidshare.com/files/313866170/Cannibal.Holocaust.DVDRIP.avi.001 http://rapidshare.com/files/313863966/Cannibal.Holocaust.DVDRIP.avi.002 http://rapidshare.com/files/313858803/Cannibal.Holocaust.DVDRIP.avi.003 http://rapidshare.com/files/313860626/Cannibal.Holocaust.DVDRIP.avi.004

[Via http://hollywood4you.wordpress.com]

Worlds First Sex Robot

The World’s first Sex Robot by True Companion She is anatomically consistent with a human, so you can have a talk or have sex. She is “Always Turned On and Ready to Talk or Play”! Have a Conversation or Sex – It is Up to You!

The Story Behind “Roxxxy TrueCompanion”: The initial concept for the current sex robot began with a conversation several years ago. A friend and Douglas Hines were remembering a dear friend who passed away. Douglas thought that it was sad to not be able to ever talk to him again. He said “wouldn’t it be great if I could create a robot with artificial intelligence and have it hold someone’s personality and preferences – this way, we could talk to the robotic version of that person and ask it questions whenever we wanted”? We thought it was a great idea though we both agreed that it would be a very big undertaking.

After test marketing, the concept changed in order to capitalize on the enormous adult entertainment industry.

True Companion has designed such a sex robot.

World’s First Sex Robot: Debuts at AVN

Who is TrueCompanion.com:

TrueCompanion.com is comprised of a collection of very skilled artists and engineers that have designed the world’s first sex robot. Your TrueCompanion.com robot will deliver the ultimate in robot sex. She will also be able to talk, listen, carry on a conversation, feel your touch and be your true friend. She can also have an orgasm when you touch her!

The True companion website: http://www.truecompanion.com/about.html

Check out the youtube video of Roxxxy the sex robot at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo:

[Via http://nakedpassion.wordpress.com]

Friday, January 15, 2010

Dance In The Vampire Bund



I just love this anime and I love the manga !!!! hihihihi I was sooo happy when I found this anime !!! hihihihi just love it and the animation is good. But it’s not a anime for people that don’t like blood ( even if it’s not sooo much blood yet)  this is a teen and adult anime I think



Alternative title: Baile en la federación de vampiros (Spanish) ダンスインザヴァンパイアバンド (Japanese) Genres: Action, Adult, Ecchi, Horror,Mature, Romance, Seinen, Smut, Supernatural Themes: vampire Author(s) Tamaki Nozomu (manga)



Plot Summary: Mina Tepes, the Princess of the ancient covenant and ruler of all vampires, wants her race to stop hiding from the humans. Using her vast wealth, she has paid off Japan’s entire national debt and, by doing so, gained the right to create an own district off Japan’s coast that is to become the future heaven to vampires worldwide. But on the eve of the press conference announcing the existence of vampires to the world, terrorists and rival factions are plotting to assassinate Mina Tepes before she has a chance to make her world-changing announcement.

cast

Aoi Yūki as Mina Tepes

Yuuichi Nakamura as Akira Kaburagi Regendorf

Akeno Watanabe as Nerra

Asuka Tanii as Nero

Chiwa Saito as Yuki Saegusa

Eri Kitamura as Nelly

Jouji Nakata as Wolf

Shizuka Itou as Nanami Shinonome

Yu Kobayashi as Miha

Yuko Kaida as Vera

click to watch anime Dance In The Vampire Bund Episode 1 click to read anime Dance in the Vampire Bund Vol.01 Ch.001: The Covenant

[Via http://mamaa.wordpress.com]

Valentines Day

Valentines Day is rapidly approaching!!  Only 30 sleeps to go.  Your Christmas decorations should be down by now, and your credit card should be starting to recover.  Or not.

I have put in a new category  over at the shop, and featured all of our Valentines Day Specials on the front page.  Chiquita’s Picks are things I have tested and really like.  To be frank, if it gets me off, I like it, these are things that are a little bit special, things that really tickle my, umm, fancy..

As it is Valentines Day, I have an extra special something for my blog readers.  Both of you…

When you order, use the comments section to tell me that your toy is for Valentines Day, and I will include a box of chocolates in your order!  The perfect pick me up to get your energy back, and go again!

Damn I’m good to you.

Love,

Chiquita

x

cheapsextoys.co.nz

No Complaints, Only Moans

[Via http://cheapsextoysonline.wordpress.com]

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hello!

If you are lesbian or bisexual, I hope you will read and participate in this blog. Although I am the official author, I welcome participation by many women as you submit your experiences and thoughts for publication. If you would like to submit something, my e-mail address is ltlez@yahoo.com.

I also encourage bi-curious women to read and participate. Many women who are now lesbian or bisexual started by being bi-curious. Their curiosity led to their enjoyment of relationships with other women, and their status changed as a result.

Please watch this site in the future for new posts that I hope will interest you.

[Via http://ltlez.wordpress.com]

Friday, January 8, 2010

WHAT?!?!?! (Language Alert)

You’re f*cking high! Are you out of your mind? This sucks! This house is a f*cking prison! On planet bullsh*t! In the galaxy of this f*cking sucks!!

What are we gonna do now????

This is for the BF. I know I should be reading. Infections can be fun! But this is funner. Here is the clip you were looking for. Fast forward to the 5:30 mark. We are a little behind in the movie watching…but hey, it was still on the new release wall even if there were only two copies. It counts!

(This is from the website Funny or Die. Off the Starz special from the movie. (Thanks for putting it on the web) If you can’t see it directly, which is most likely the case because I can’t embed it here, click on the link below.  Hopefully I got it to work somehow. You are welcome!)

FYI  This contains VERY BAD language! Not for the youngsters!!

WHAT?!?!

[Via http://masnstevy.com]

We've ALL Done It.....Right?

Just shy of a month ago, I posed the question of “What’s the most klutzy thing you’ve ever done” as my “Just Curious” question of the day. Some of the responses were pouring boiling water on their leg, falling down stairs and breaking their nose while trying to tie their shoes. Stupid me told the truth and answered the question with “I crapped my pants in my sister’s kitchen once”. This of course opened up a pretty large can of worms and everyone agreed that I owe them the whole story. You can read that post and comments here.

Here is my story, sad but true…..

After my divorce, I was forced to move back in with my parents for a short time. Just long enough to get back on my feet again. During that time, I always felt like I was imposing on my parents even though they tried making it abundantly clear that I was not. None the less, I still felt that way and tried to stay out of their house as much as possible to stay out of their way. I spent a lot of time at different friends’ on week nights and weekends and at my sister’s place. I started dating again and just stayed out of their hair as much as I could.

My sister at that time was a single mother and having a pretty rough time financially. She had her own place and car but it was a huge struggle to pay for them. I would come over to visit her and bring dinner with me a few times a week and we would eat and hang out together at her place. Shortly after I started coming over to hang out, she started dating a guy that she worked with. They started out going out on weekends and I even double dated with them a couple times to get to know him a bit. I liked him and before you knew it, he moved in with my sister. They are now married with children and have been married for 12 years now.

Anyway, back to the story. Even though Eric was living with my sister, I still came over to visit my sister as often. The three of us got along really well and had fun hanging out doing whatever. One night, we all consumed a little too much alcohol and decided it would be best for me to stay the night there instead of getting behind the wheel of a car and driving to my parents. I crashed on the couch and my sister and Eric slept in their bedroom. There was something I had to get up for the next morning and I honestly can’t remember now what it was. Work? Picking up my son from his mothers?  I don’t remember what it was now but it was something I had to get up and do. I didn’t have an alarm clock next to me on the couch so my sister asked if I would like her to set an alarm for me and wake me up in the morning. “Thanks sis, that would be great” I responded.

Unfortunately, I DID NOT sleep well that night at all. That couch was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever laid upon. I tossed and turned almost the whole night trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. I FINALLY feel asleep right before the sun came up but woke up when it started shining through the window so I decided to just get up. When I got up, I started hearing my stomach start to grumble and make some pretty funky noises.

Now I don’t know about you but not EVERYONE throws up after drinking too much. I usually have problems with the other end if you know what I mean. ;-);-) It really depends on what I had been drinking but whatever I was drinking the night before was letting me know it was coming out. Not later…..NOW! I got off the couch and literally RAN to the bathroom and turned the handle on the door only to find it locked. “Who’s there” I heard Eric ask. “It’s me man, I gotta go”. “Are you going to be in there much longer” I asked in a voice that would disguise the fact that I’m about to shit my pants. “No, give me two minutes” Eric said.

Two minutes went by and the door never opened. Another two minutes went by and the door STILL never opened. Five more minutes went by and still no sign of the FUCKING door opening. I was pacing around my sisters apartment with terrible stomach cramps feeling like I was going into labor or something. The pain just kept getting worse and worse so I paced more and more. Down the hallway, into the living room, into the dining room and into the kitchen and then back again. I paced like that for what seemed to be friggin hours.

Finally, I stopped pacing in the kitchen when I thought I heard the door open. I stood there clenching my cheeks together as hard as I could and listened. I heard the bathroom door open and then Eric walking out the front door to go to work. “THANK GOD” I remember saying to myself. As I slowly began to unclench my cheeks, I quickly found out that it wasn’t going to happen. The more I unclenched, the more something began peeking out. “OMG, what the hell am I going to do” I remember asking myself. The longer I stood there clenching, the more my stomach hurt. I HAD to do SOMETHING!! I devised a plan in which when the stomach pain would subside for a moment, I would unclench and get to the bathroom as quickly as possible.

I waited and I waited and my stomach pain began to subside. I knew I only had a few moments before they started back up again so I slowly unclenched my cheeks and prayed. Unfortunately, my prayers were not answered and I began to squirt like a can of cheese whiz. Actually, squirt is a bit of an understatement. It was more like projectile shitting but luckily I had my jeans and underwear to stop it from spraying the kitchen cabinets and walls. I just stood there with my eyes closed and enjoyed the moment. What else could I do?

After I appeared to be done, it was time to open my eyes and access the damage. As you can imagine, the damage was quite substantial. The first thing I did was remove my socks, followed by my jeans and undies which left me standing in my sisters kitchen wearing only a t-shirt. The next plan of attack was to find something to start cleaning up with so I could get to the shower without dripping shit all over the carpet. I walked over to the pantry and found a brand spanking new roll of paper towels. “PERFECT” I thought. I opened up the paper towels like a kid on Christmas morning and began the “pre-showering” cleanup phase of the cleanup process. I thought it would be best to start at the top and work my way down and began wiping…well…..EVERYWHERE.

While reaching for more paper towels, I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I quickly turned my head and there stood my sister in the entryway to the kitchen. There I stood in her kitchen wearing only a t-shirt, holding shit filled paper towels and standing behind a rather large pool of shit on her kitchen floor. We both just looked at each other with a “deer in the headlight” look. Neither of us really knew what to say to one another so my sister just turned and walked back to her bedroom without saying a word.

I finished the cleanup process, showered, wrapped a towel around me and got the hell out of there. I did NOT want to be there when my sister decided to get back out of bed. Later that night, I returned for a little visit. NOTHING was said about what had happened that morning for quite sometime. It was just like any other day. We just hung out and did whatever. Out of the clear blue, my sister speaks up and says “By the way, I came to wake you up this morning when the alarm went off and I noticed you were already up”. “Were you REALLY standing in my kitchen with shit all over the place or was I dreaming” she asked. We all just laughed. :-D

I normally like to have a photo to go along with my posts. I apologize for not having one for this one. I didn’t have a blog back then when this happened so I never really thought about a photo. Maybe next time? :-D

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Monday, January 4, 2010

Lust & Love

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Friday, January 1, 2010

Kunoiti oneisan sizune no gohousi ninmu

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